Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
