Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
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I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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