Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
