He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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