ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
