doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
