Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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