She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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