I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I bet he comes in French.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
