It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
