Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Panties = found
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
