I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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