I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
