Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So many bounce houses so little time
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
