FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
