Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
