What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
