and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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