No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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