Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
