my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
