What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
