whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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