I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
