he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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