Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
