You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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