The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
where am i from again
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
