Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
