so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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