:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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