Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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