Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
