I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
