I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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