I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
zippers are such a cool invention
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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