I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
