I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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