it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
