im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
