I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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