Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
