so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
