Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
