i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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