why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
