I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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