I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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