I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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