How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
