Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
