I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
