My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
