Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
that's an acceptable place to lick
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
