so that wasnt chicken after all
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
