as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
