Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
