Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
