i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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