TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire