I have demons in me.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
