it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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