Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before