wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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