hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
