I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
