that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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