So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
