im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
