Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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