at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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