and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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