I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
