Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
