I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
