Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
